Today we had an amazing women's conference. A car full of women from my branch rode together for the hour and 45 minute drive there and then we were enriched for the next three and a half hours before our hour and 45 minute ride home. We were first enriched by a wonderful lunch and then we were fed wonderful knowledge for our personal lives and families.
The general session was not topics that you would naturally think a church meeting would discuss, but were powerful and pertinent. The first speaker talked about pornography and it's evil influence. How it can destroy marriages but also how marriages can be healed after taking the proper steps to overcome the silent spiritual killer. The men in the church have been hearing this one for a long time now, but now it is our turn and probably because it is affecting more and more more families not just through the father. There was a statistic given that was mind churning and truly heart wrenching...out of 40,000 people in the survey, 45% said they were "hooked" on pornography by 11-16 years old, 25% were between 17-19 but the scary-sad part was that 9% were hooked 5-10 years of age. That was a wake up call that the things I need to begin talking about with my children are not that far away!
The second speaker was a lawyer/school teacher who talked about cyberbullying, sexting, and internet safety. I have heard of these things but was not aware just how prevalent it is becoming...correct myself -IT IS. 1 in 4 youth are cyberbulled and of those not bullied, 65% know someone who is/has been cyberbullied. This topic along with the other two topics, and I was just awe struck as I was hearing not only the things he had to say but what the ladies in the congregation were contributing. S.C.A.R.Y! My mind kept asking "Can I just keep my kids little?" Answer: No! I know I can't so then I was turned to contempation about how I can teach them, help them, protect them from the evil that is everywhere around them.
It is hard to wrap up a two hour mini course into a few words, especially when I am not loquacious in any degree, but my take home message comes down to a few things that I will try to share. (and believe me, the more I think about it the longer my list is getting!!)
1-The Gospel is amazing and we are so blessed to have inspired leaders who have been warning and teaching us of avoiding such evils for years now.
2-The Gospel has the keys we need to start protecting/teaching/helping if we REGULARLY use them (i.e. attend church, scripture study, prayer, repentance...all those seminary answers we could plug into any question posed and they would not be wrong)
3-We need to establish open communication. Bold in some areas, blunt and with genuine love. This needs to be there between husband and wife and then between parent and child. If we don't talk to them, someone else will, and it will probably not be the information we want them to have.
4-We also need to start EARLY. If we think that waiting until they age "dating age"...we are too late! Remember 9% of those polled were hooked to porn between 5-10 years of age.
5-With certain privileges comes specific or certain conditions. i.e. with the internet, there is much good, but also easy access to much evil. They need to know not to go to such sites and they need to know if they come across a "not so good site" how to quickly get away and to also not be afraid to talk about it so it can be prevented. There are great resources out there for taking precautionary measures, but I/we can't be naive in thinking this will solve the problem...they need also to be talked to about if they are exposed to things they find wrong.
6-We can't avoid everything. So prepare, teach and warn for when it does come.
7-We need to not only not do things, but to stand up for others (this is from the cyberbullying part but is applicable in other aspects).
We then split up into two groups and had another great meeting about the importance of family dinner time but that may need to be another post since this one has now reached the "long post" status!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Being Christ-like
I try to be Christ-like and I try to serve others. But today I find myself needing a change of heart to be more Christ-like.
I wonder how Christ felt about helping people who don't help themselves. The advantage He had which I don't is that he knew what was in people's hearts. (But he loved them anyway even if it wasn't right...that is amazing)
Despite my desire to have my husband home doing things on our own home and helping me out, I would never stop him from going and helping another family. I know they need his help more. I just was thinking as I was moping how hard it must have been to be Christ and to never get a break and then to suffer for us all. We are truly blessed to have such a Savior and Brother who loves us that much.
I wonder how Christ felt about helping people who don't help themselves. The advantage He had which I don't is that he knew what was in people's hearts. (But he loved them anyway even if it wasn't right...that is amazing)
Despite my desire to have my husband home doing things on our own home and helping me out, I would never stop him from going and helping another family. I know they need his help more. I just was thinking as I was moping how hard it must have been to be Christ and to never get a break and then to suffer for us all. We are truly blessed to have such a Savior and Brother who loves us that much.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Quality Father Time
This week has been hard on my patience since every night after work my husband has had something going on that has taken him back out of the house in the evening.
Whether it was back to work for something, a church meeting, or another meeting, he has been able to come home to eat dinner but then has had to leave fairly soon after. A few nights have been quick meetings but one lasted until after the boys were in bed.
I know that after dinner is usually when I get some time to myself because the kids are playing with dad, even if it only lasts 15 minutes before one of them are back trying to see/help me with what I am doing.
I try and be supportive but I did finally make a comment last night about him being gone for another night.
I guess that is why the average quality time a father spends with his children is only 30 seconds a day! This is a true statistic that my husband heard/read about while at work. To me that is sad. I can see how it is so little because many fathers don't see their kids everyday, but considering how many fathers now stay at home I would think/hope it would be more. I am VERY glad that my husband spends much more then that with his kids. I can tell that not only do I need the 'longer then 30 seconds' father time, but the boys do too. There is something he can give them that I can't.
My oldest has kind of grown out of it, but my middle child is right at the age that when dad comes home, he stops what he is doing to run over and greet dad, repeating daddy the whole way there. It is very cute and I don't know any dad that wouldn't love such a warm greeting.
Thankfully it is Friday and we have plans for tonight that will not take my husband away! We need our quality father time in this house!!
Whether it was back to work for something, a church meeting, or another meeting, he has been able to come home to eat dinner but then has had to leave fairly soon after. A few nights have been quick meetings but one lasted until after the boys were in bed.
I know that after dinner is usually when I get some time to myself because the kids are playing with dad, even if it only lasts 15 minutes before one of them are back trying to see/help me with what I am doing.
I try and be supportive but I did finally make a comment last night about him being gone for another night.
I guess that is why the average quality time a father spends with his children is only 30 seconds a day! This is a true statistic that my husband heard/read about while at work. To me that is sad. I can see how it is so little because many fathers don't see their kids everyday, but considering how many fathers now stay at home I would think/hope it would be more. I am VERY glad that my husband spends much more then that with his kids. I can tell that not only do I need the 'longer then 30 seconds' father time, but the boys do too. There is something he can give them that I can't.
My oldest has kind of grown out of it, but my middle child is right at the age that when dad comes home, he stops what he is doing to run over and greet dad, repeating daddy the whole way there. It is very cute and I don't know any dad that wouldn't love such a warm greeting.
Thankfully it is Friday and we have plans for tonight that will not take my husband away! We need our quality father time in this house!!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
8 Weeks
I have somewhere around eight weeks left until my baby comes. There are times when I am ready to have my normal energy and comfortable insides back! This one is a mover!! But then I think about having to balance one more person and I tell myself I can wait. I have always felt they are much easier to take care of on the inside.
I am also not ready to start the few interrupted hours of sleep a night...guess it's is a good thing I have 8 weeks left. It is funny (in the interesting way) that somehow we do such crazy things (sleep deprive, labor/delivery, intentionally allow something to grow inside us that beats us up, etc) and then repeat them. Interesting that somehow we manage to get through the tough times and then forget about them (for the most part). I know that much of the hard parts will be done with prayer and holding to the fact "this too shall pass"...until the next time!
I am excited to see what this one will look like, what color of hair, will she look like either of the other kids. They both look like their dad despite the different hair color. Maybe this one will look like me? Who knows really!?!
I know that I am in for a whole new learning process, which I will admit sometimes scares me...greatly! Not only with a new gender, but a whole new season of starting life (ie fall vs spring). I want to remain laid back and not stress, but I wonder will I. With this one coming at the start of the RSV and the flu season, rather then the end like the others, it already has me wondering how I can still go out and be active but protect her. I really enjoyed taking walks with my newborns, having them cuddled close to me, being able to breathe fresh air. But when it is getting warm rather then getting cold you can do that. So what will be my break from the house? All these things that go through my head. Some trivial, and some genuine things to stop and actually ponder.
I guess in due time I will learn the answers to many of my wondering!
I am also not ready to start the few interrupted hours of sleep a night...guess it's is a good thing I have 8 weeks left. It is funny (in the interesting way) that somehow we do such crazy things (sleep deprive, labor/delivery, intentionally allow something to grow inside us that beats us up, etc) and then repeat them. Interesting that somehow we manage to get through the tough times and then forget about them (for the most part). I know that much of the hard parts will be done with prayer and holding to the fact "this too shall pass"...until the next time!
I am excited to see what this one will look like, what color of hair, will she look like either of the other kids. They both look like their dad despite the different hair color. Maybe this one will look like me? Who knows really!?!
I know that I am in for a whole new learning process, which I will admit sometimes scares me...greatly! Not only with a new gender, but a whole new season of starting life (ie fall vs spring). I want to remain laid back and not stress, but I wonder will I. With this one coming at the start of the RSV and the flu season, rather then the end like the others, it already has me wondering how I can still go out and be active but protect her. I really enjoyed taking walks with my newborns, having them cuddled close to me, being able to breathe fresh air. But when it is getting warm rather then getting cold you can do that. So what will be my break from the house? All these things that go through my head. Some trivial, and some genuine things to stop and actually ponder.
I guess in due time I will learn the answers to many of my wondering!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A girl
I found out the gender of my baby to come and, drum roll... a girl! There is excitement and fright all wrapped into one. I can't tell what my husband thinks or even if he has strong feelings either way. The US tech was teasing him that there really "wasn't more" and it was very strongly convincing that it is a girl.
After boys it will be nice to have a change of pace, but am I ready for the "change of pace" a girl will bring?
I just see how girls are so much more emotional and dramatic. I am much more of a hit something, be mad for a bit, then done with it person. Not a cry for attention and affection, "hold me for 10 minutes longer then the pain lasted" kind of person.
I probably was that type of child, but I don't remember and since I don't I choose to think that I wasn't :)
Then there is the pink. Not that pink is bad, but a pink shirt, with pink pants, with pink shoes, with pink hair bows...that it way to much pink. And I see this all pink outfit often. I know that I will have some say for the first two years of life, but is that still enough time to come with seeing all pink outfits...and multiple days in a row!?!
Let's admit it I get tired when my boys just want the same color or style outfit day after day. With my oldest it is red. I think he would wear 100% red if I had that many red clothes in his drawer (this is where I remind myself that he is getting himself dressed and not me!) Oh well, let them be little, right!
However, I am excited to think that the relationship I have with my mother can continue with my own daughter. The things that she will want to learn and know that a boy just doesn't care for.
There are lots of things to look forward to, but there are things that I know I will just have to tell myself "it's okay, this too shall pass!"
After boys it will be nice to have a change of pace, but am I ready for the "change of pace" a girl will bring?
I just see how girls are so much more emotional and dramatic. I am much more of a hit something, be mad for a bit, then done with it person. Not a cry for attention and affection, "hold me for 10 minutes longer then the pain lasted" kind of person.
I probably was that type of child, but I don't remember and since I don't I choose to think that I wasn't :)
Then there is the pink. Not that pink is bad, but a pink shirt, with pink pants, with pink shoes, with pink hair bows...that it way to much pink. And I see this all pink outfit often. I know that I will have some say for the first two years of life, but is that still enough time to come with seeing all pink outfits...and multiple days in a row!?!
Let's admit it I get tired when my boys just want the same color or style outfit day after day. With my oldest it is red. I think he would wear 100% red if I had that many red clothes in his drawer (this is where I remind myself that he is getting himself dressed and not me!) Oh well, let them be little, right!
However, I am excited to think that the relationship I have with my mother can continue with my own daughter. The things that she will want to learn and know that a boy just doesn't care for.
There are lots of things to look forward to, but there are things that I know I will just have to tell myself "it's okay, this too shall pass!"
Monday, May 16, 2011
Discipline Woe's
The drive to keep with the discipline is sometimes very difficult. I understand how some parents just throw their hands in the air and go "whatever", or "I've had enough." Tonight I had enough. it was such a small thing that required discipline but turned into a huge event and in my head I was thinking ..."all over a dumb toy." It was very frustrating to continue with the discipline when I was done with it and knew it was just a small thing and shouldn't be this big of a deal.
So I decided (sometimes) that drive to follow through and to not just throw my hands up needs a reason that is more then what is happening in the event, something "pre-found." Otherwise giving up would have happened and I'm sure if I did it one I would do it again.
So I decided (sometimes) that drive to follow through and to not just throw my hands up needs a reason that is more then what is happening in the event, something "pre-found." Otherwise giving up would have happened and I'm sure if I did it one I would do it again.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Problem Solving vs Tattling
So at what point is "coming to tell mom" tattling or problem solving?
My oldest child is just getting to the point where problem solving is more than a physical response and he is beginning to understand not to hit or cry/whine when something does not go his way and when I am trying to teach him to tell me so that I can change the activity or steer him to another toy/distraction.
But I was thinking about this parenting thing as I was working on someone else's house with another lady who had 2 of her kids (a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 5 year old girl).
I decided it is hard to know and establish to a child the difference between tattling on someone or learning how to get a mediator involved in the situation.
The personality of my child comes out when there are kids who whine or cry more then others. He tends to egg those individuals on. I can't decide if it is a conscious thing and he likes to hear others scream/whine/cry or what he is trying to do, especially after I repeatedly tell him to "back off," "to "leave them alone" to "find a different toy"... etc.
Yesterday was going pretty well until the other little boy decided he no longer wanted to play with my boy unless he initiated it. So every time my son got too close to the other boy there was some whining heard. So I tried to be the mediator after it got too annoying (to me) and give my child something else to do (i.e. help me with my task). The little girl was actually playing well with my son and asked if she could help as well. Peace established...for 2 minutes until the other little boy wants to do what the others are but mostly wanting what my son has and then ensued a big fight/tantrum (that got my child timeout for not sharing and taking turns, and me wishing the other mother would help with this problem because I can't put her son in timeout for hitting or not sharing back and I don't want to go "tattle.")
Finally the other mother asked why my son was upset and I tried to explain why he was crying and in timeout and so she did get involved. After things settled down I tried to be ahead of another issue by putting my son on another task...outside, which as soon as I did the little girl was willing to go help him and then they got to playing. Peace established again! Eventually the other boy did go outside to join the others and either I couldn't hear whining or my son stopped irritating the other little boy.
This was a rambling story but my whole issue of the day is when I'm telling my child to just come tell me so that I can help with the situation and in my head I am wondering, "I am teaching him to tattle?" Or when I am trying to mediate with my child but the child who has the problem puts himself right back into the picture. I feel bad putting my child in timeout when the problem he was causing is solved and now the problem is not really being caused by him. I know the principles of sharing and taking turns apply to all situations which is why timeout was issued but I feel bad punishing my child when he was trying to just do the task I gave him. (I sometimes feel I am the meanest mother)
Oh the joys of being a parent, not only are we trying to teach right from wrong but we are also getting a crash course ourselves...or at least a different perspective of the rights and wrongs!
My oldest child is just getting to the point where problem solving is more than a physical response and he is beginning to understand not to hit or cry/whine when something does not go his way and when I am trying to teach him to tell me so that I can change the activity or steer him to another toy/distraction.
But I was thinking about this parenting thing as I was working on someone else's house with another lady who had 2 of her kids (a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 5 year old girl).
I decided it is hard to know and establish to a child the difference between tattling on someone or learning how to get a mediator involved in the situation.
The personality of my child comes out when there are kids who whine or cry more then others. He tends to egg those individuals on. I can't decide if it is a conscious thing and he likes to hear others scream/whine/cry or what he is trying to do, especially after I repeatedly tell him to "back off," "to "leave them alone" to "find a different toy"... etc.
Yesterday was going pretty well until the other little boy decided he no longer wanted to play with my boy unless he initiated it. So every time my son got too close to the other boy there was some whining heard. So I tried to be the mediator after it got too annoying (to me) and give my child something else to do (i.e. help me with my task). The little girl was actually playing well with my son and asked if she could help as well. Peace established...for 2 minutes until the other little boy wants to do what the others are but mostly wanting what my son has and then ensued a big fight/tantrum (that got my child timeout for not sharing and taking turns, and me wishing the other mother would help with this problem because I can't put her son in timeout for hitting or not sharing back and I don't want to go "tattle.")
Finally the other mother asked why my son was upset and I tried to explain why he was crying and in timeout and so she did get involved. After things settled down I tried to be ahead of another issue by putting my son on another task...outside, which as soon as I did the little girl was willing to go help him and then they got to playing. Peace established again! Eventually the other boy did go outside to join the others and either I couldn't hear whining or my son stopped irritating the other little boy.
This was a rambling story but my whole issue of the day is when I'm telling my child to just come tell me so that I can help with the situation and in my head I am wondering, "I am teaching him to tattle?" Or when I am trying to mediate with my child but the child who has the problem puts himself right back into the picture. I feel bad putting my child in timeout when the problem he was causing is solved and now the problem is not really being caused by him. I know the principles of sharing and taking turns apply to all situations which is why timeout was issued but I feel bad punishing my child when he was trying to just do the task I gave him. (I sometimes feel I am the meanest mother)
Oh the joys of being a parent, not only are we trying to teach right from wrong but we are also getting a crash course ourselves...or at least a different perspective of the rights and wrongs!
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