More time or another me!

I decided that I either need more time or another me around.  It seems like there is so much to do right now as we are trying to sell our house, FSBO style, and with the holiday season upon us.  I barely got into the Halloween spirit and missed being more excited about it.  I really love Thanksgiving (even thought it seems like now all people can talk about it Christmas) and hope that I can get the spirit of it before the day before.

I know I can't have more time or another me...well I could have more awake time, if I sacrificed sleep, but a grumpy mom on top of a already frazzled one, just might not be worth it!!

Anyway, I know I can't have time or a double, but if I could I think that I would pick another me over more time.  With another me I could put one to work getting the things done and feeling "productive" and then I could spend MORE time sitting with my kids, reading to them, making cookies with them (aka a small mess), doing thoughtful things for their dad, or going on walks, enjoying the last few days of warm before the cold and even then, maybe I would be more willing to get all bundled up and go outside knowing that all the extra layers and laundry would be manageable with another me to help. Another me to be a cute, thoughtful mom and WIFE would be AmaZing.  

Well I just had to clear my mind and type out this thought so that I can realize what it truly important and have some renewed energy to keep going, since as my mom always says, "this too, shall pass."  

The things I want my kids to remember is that they are loved and that I love spending time with them...not that a clean house was more important.  Now back to cleaning, or maybe I'll read a book with my kids first!!

Reflecting Thoughts

I don't know what has been the cause of my reflective thoughts lately, being another year older, having another child, having a child start school.  Maybe it is a combination of all.  Either way it seems like I spend a bit more time thinking about who I am and more so, who I was in school.  I think I was (and probably still are) a bit naive as to what is going on around me.  I think of the people who have come and gone in my immediate circle of daily life.  Some I know a little bit of what they are doing now, some I have no clue and some I wonder what they are up to.

I think some of my reflection is school, and the pressure to fit in, or the idea that "those are the most important things" when now they are such small importance's (i.e., friends, dances, being popular, etc) I was the witness of some teen girls "cattiness" and after about 25 minutes of it I finally opened my mouth to hopefully help one young girl see that her actions were not nice.  Who know what came of it...probably that I was some withcy woman sticking her nose in another's business.  But when you are right in line behind them for that long of time, it is hard to not want to do something.  But in the 24.5 minutes I stood there just listening I was thinking how SCARY it will be to have a kid that age and the social pressure they will have to deal with.

Maybe if I felt my memory was better I could remember what it was like for me.  But I don't, sadly to say.  I don't remember the "cattiness'' that people say girls are.  I don't remember the desire to be cool or fit in. Maybe I wasn't or didn't, or maybe I was taught that it didn't matter.  I worry that I won't be able to help my kids the way I was helped/taught.  I wonder if I will be the kind of parent they can turn to.  Sometimes I worry I won't because I don't think I was the friend that was even the one someone turned to for help.  Sad to day but I have been wondering if any of my "friends" from years previous were positively impacted by me, or if they wish they stayed in better touch like I do.  And maybe that will have no reflection of how my parenting will be.

My mind is all over the place here, but I guess to anyone who ever reads this, maybe it will help them see that they are not alone in reflective thinking.  Maybe.  Maybe Not.  Most of these are just thoughts, not questions.

Bottom line I guess that I take comfort in when I am reflectively thinking is that I am (we are) a child of God.  He loves us, He is there for us.  If we strive to do those things that keep Him in our life, we will be happy in the end, we will be BLESSED beyond contemplation.  He knows us, He LOVES us.  He will guide and help us, and He will send people into our lives that will also do the same.

I probably should just archive this in my computer somewhere and not post it because I a not an eloquent writer but even if I keep it to myself until I think clearer or write better, I will have forgotten and no one will see that there are other people out there with the same reflective wonderments.  I guess it's my attempt to get thoughts out there (I would say on paper, but this isn't paper and I am not sure what the new term would be) and help myself and anyone else.

A Name

Do you ever look back and feel guilty that you didn't get someones name?  Especially when they helped you? 
Today the kids and I walked to "downtown" for lunch.  The place we picked had a nice outdoor patio where I parked the stroller.  While I was getting my wallet out from the diaper bag in the basket I was debating in my head whether to try and leave the kids outside (strapped in the stroller with my oldest in charge to watch the younger) or to just cart them inside.  I was leaning toward taking them inside when an older lady who was sitting outside said that she would stay outside with them.
She kindly moved her chair over then jumped right into asking the kids questions, I'm betting she has grand kids!
At this point I went right in without kids (reminder that I live in a small town and ''Downtown" is 4 square blocks and I could walk there from my house in 20 minutes.)
I was able to get everything ordered and carried out without having to try and balance a stroller, a crying child, wandering little fingers, and the food.  IT WAS GREAT!
Once I got outside she talked to me just a little bit as she got her stuff together then excused herself, saying goodbye by name to my kids.
I did tell her thank you, but as she was walking away (especially when she addressed my son by name) the thought that I didn't even establish any sort of common ground between her and I, like introducing myself and exchanging names.  Was that rude?
Here she did me a great favor and I didn't even get her name.
Again because I live in a small town there is a chance I would see her again, and knowing her name may let her know that because of the small act of service to me, I remembered who she was.
Lesson to learn for next time maybe!

A New Chapter

Today my husband was called as the Branch President.  It is a bitter-sweet thing.  As with most aspects of the gospel- with responsibility come blessings.  I am not sure what trials it will bring into our life/marriage/family, but I do know that the Lord will be there for us and to help us.  I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's church.  It is a perfect gospel full of imperfect people.  I am glad that I have been blessed with so many wonderful people in my life through family members and friends.  It is interesting to reflect back on the past and see the changes that have come.  I keep thinking of my friend who is the wife of a Bishop and a story she has about someone telling her that "a Bishop's wife shouldn't dance like that" when she was out having fun (and knowing her it was just being silly, no risque moves or anything like that) during a stake activity.  I don't want to wonder if people are judging the gospel or the quality of priesthood leader my husband is by things I do.  I know they will.  I hope it won't offend or negatively influence them.
The Stake President gave us some counsel when he issued the call and the 2 things that stuck the most was:
1-it will be like living in a glass house
2- Satan will try hard to influence us because if he can get us to do something wrong, he can potentially 'spiritually hurt' our branch. (not quite how he put it but that is because I am not a eloquent writer or thinker, especially when I am tired :)

So, here goes the new chapter of our lives. 

Love

Love

Lately this topic has been on my mind.  One-because I know of 3 differing examples and 2-because of this craft I saw called the "I love you because" board.

The examples of love are 1- a middle aged couple who are currently not living together but still speak and go places as if they are together.  The are not in the same house because the husband was offended by in-laws "overtaking" his home during the holidays and his mild mannered wife didn't speak up, so he kicked her out.  There is a type of love here.
2-a young couple, who were high school sweethearts, with multiple kids, getting a divorce because he "hasn't loved her for a while now."  There was love here but it stopped somewhere.
3-an older couple who no longer have kids in the house but seem to be still dating and as much in love now as in the beginning of their marriage.  This to me is a rekindled love.
At one point "love" may have been in all 3 marriages.  But what I have learned about love is that it's forgiving, unselfish, understanding, is a continuously changing picture (i.e. what you love them for today may not be the same reason you love them tomorrow), is something that you can't take for granted and is something that doesn't fade away but stops growing.

The "I love you because" board got me thinking about the reasons that I love my husband and at first I felt like I was drawing a blank (very sad I know).  Then I thought of some of the trivial things that are at most temporary reasons to love a person.  But finally deeper, more meaningful, heartfelt things were coming to mind. 
Needless to say that with the "love because" reasons going through my mind and the relationship examples I am seeing around me right now, I have learned somethings about love.  Things that I hope will only make my marriage stronger, deeper, and more true.

I once heard an analogy that Love/marriage is not the two of you rowing the same boat together, but that you are in two separate boats trying to stay next to each other and on the same path.  If one person is working harder then they will find themselves gaining distance between the 2 boats and if you are not trying to be involved in what is going on with the other person (interested in or at least supportive of their interests/hobbies that may not be ones you care for personally) you will soon find separation between your 2 boats.

I see everyday how children tend to be the focus of my conversations with my husband, especially since he is obligated with privacy codes at work and church so he can't discuss much of what is seen/done.  Life seems to revolve around them...as it should for most moments, but there still needs to be couple time and moments where we can discuss about the new things that we are learning, have time to share in growing experiences and be involved in how the other is changing.

Our ultimate example of Love is the Savior and Heavenly Father and that needs to also be a large part of our lives.

This blog is my thoughts and ideas that I hope will not only help my marriage/family/life as I "journal" them, but give others insight into that someone else is experiencing/learning the same things they are.

What a difference a day makes

Mentally what can a day give you?  I have thought about this the past few days...probably because I had mentally planned and prepared for something just to have the date pushed back by a few days.  I thought Friday would be my last OB appointment before this little one joins our family on the outside, but due to living in a small town, scheduling rules and a few other things, I will have one more OB appointment and a few extra days of being pregnant.  It is okay in a way because it is easier to manage things right now, I don't have lifting or activity restrictions (not really but I of course can't do what I could if I was not pregnant) and I get more sleep then I will with a newborn.  So, in a way I have to look at the situation as a blessing even though in my head I was prepared for something else.  Now I could go into labor on my own and avoid one more OB checkup and a few extra days of being pregnant, but given my other pregnancies, I (and my husband) quite doubt it. 
I think part of the mental aspect is that I had worked it out in my head to maximize time...time that my parents are here, time that my husband would have off work, time to get stuff done, etc.  Now I have less time with some things a more time with others.  My 'to do' list just grew exponentially.  I thought I was being on top of things like cleaning and laundry that were done, but I know they will have to be done one more time (not that they are ever truly done but for the maximal amount of time until they need to be done again).  I guess it is good because it will keep me busy and make the days go by a bit faster.  I should just remind myself that a few days is nothing when you look at the whole picture of it has taken almost 40 weeks to get to this point!
So the lesson learned (which I seem to repeat learning very often in my life...I guess I just don't learn some things very well!) is that even if you mentally plan/prepare yourself for something, it can change very easy and so you have to be mentally prepared for that too!

Quality Father Time

This week has been hard on my patience since every night after work my husband has had something going on that has taken him back out of the house in the evening. 
Whether it was back to work for something, a church meeting, or another meeting, he has been able to come home to eat dinner but then has had to leave fairly soon after.  A few nights have been quick meetings but one lasted until after the boys were in bed.
I know that after dinner is usually when I get some time to myself because the kids are playing with dad, even if it only lasts 15 minutes before one of them are back trying to see/help me with what I am doing. 
I try and be supportive but I did finally make a comment last night about him being gone for another night.

I guess that is why the average quality time a father spends with his children is only 30 seconds a day!  This is a true statistic that my husband heard/read about while at work.  To me that is sad.  I can see how it is so little because many fathers don't see their kids everyday, but considering how many fathers now stay at home I would think/hope it would be more.  I am VERY glad that my husband spends much more then that with his kids.  I can tell that not only do I need the 'longer then 30 seconds' father time, but the boys do too.  There is something he can give them that I can't.

My oldest has kind of grown out of it, but my middle child is right at the age that when dad comes home, he stops what he is doing to run over and greet dad, repeating daddy the whole way there.  It is very cute and I don't know any dad that wouldn't love such a warm greeting.

Thankfully it is Friday and we have plans for tonight that will not take my husband away!  We need our quality father time in this house!!