The drive to keep with the discipline is sometimes very difficult. I understand how some parents just throw their hands in the air and go "whatever", or "I've had enough." Tonight I had enough. it was such a small thing that required discipline but turned into a huge event and in my head I was thinking ..."all over a dumb toy." It was very frustrating to continue with the discipline when I was done with it and knew it was just a small thing and shouldn't be this big of a deal.
So I decided (sometimes) that drive to follow through and to not just throw my hands up needs a reason that is more then what is happening in the event, something "pre-found." Otherwise giving up would have happened and I'm sure if I did it one I would do it again.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Problem Solving vs Tattling
So at what point is "coming to tell mom" tattling or problem solving?
My oldest child is just getting to the point where problem solving is more than a physical response and he is beginning to understand not to hit or cry/whine when something does not go his way and when I am trying to teach him to tell me so that I can change the activity or steer him to another toy/distraction.
But I was thinking about this parenting thing as I was working on someone else's house with another lady who had 2 of her kids (a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 5 year old girl).
I decided it is hard to know and establish to a child the difference between tattling on someone or learning how to get a mediator involved in the situation.
The personality of my child comes out when there are kids who whine or cry more then others. He tends to egg those individuals on. I can't decide if it is a conscious thing and he likes to hear others scream/whine/cry or what he is trying to do, especially after I repeatedly tell him to "back off," "to "leave them alone" to "find a different toy"... etc.
Yesterday was going pretty well until the other little boy decided he no longer wanted to play with my boy unless he initiated it. So every time my son got too close to the other boy there was some whining heard. So I tried to be the mediator after it got too annoying (to me) and give my child something else to do (i.e. help me with my task). The little girl was actually playing well with my son and asked if she could help as well. Peace established...for 2 minutes until the other little boy wants to do what the others are but mostly wanting what my son has and then ensued a big fight/tantrum (that got my child timeout for not sharing and taking turns, and me wishing the other mother would help with this problem because I can't put her son in timeout for hitting or not sharing back and I don't want to go "tattle.")
Finally the other mother asked why my son was upset and I tried to explain why he was crying and in timeout and so she did get involved. After things settled down I tried to be ahead of another issue by putting my son on another task...outside, which as soon as I did the little girl was willing to go help him and then they got to playing. Peace established again! Eventually the other boy did go outside to join the others and either I couldn't hear whining or my son stopped irritating the other little boy.
This was a rambling story but my whole issue of the day is when I'm telling my child to just come tell me so that I can help with the situation and in my head I am wondering, "I am teaching him to tattle?" Or when I am trying to mediate with my child but the child who has the problem puts himself right back into the picture. I feel bad putting my child in timeout when the problem he was causing is solved and now the problem is not really being caused by him. I know the principles of sharing and taking turns apply to all situations which is why timeout was issued but I feel bad punishing my child when he was trying to just do the task I gave him. (I sometimes feel I am the meanest mother)
Oh the joys of being a parent, not only are we trying to teach right from wrong but we are also getting a crash course ourselves...or at least a different perspective of the rights and wrongs!
My oldest child is just getting to the point where problem solving is more than a physical response and he is beginning to understand not to hit or cry/whine when something does not go his way and when I am trying to teach him to tell me so that I can change the activity or steer him to another toy/distraction.
But I was thinking about this parenting thing as I was working on someone else's house with another lady who had 2 of her kids (a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 5 year old girl).
I decided it is hard to know and establish to a child the difference between tattling on someone or learning how to get a mediator involved in the situation.
The personality of my child comes out when there are kids who whine or cry more then others. He tends to egg those individuals on. I can't decide if it is a conscious thing and he likes to hear others scream/whine/cry or what he is trying to do, especially after I repeatedly tell him to "back off," "to "leave them alone" to "find a different toy"... etc.
Yesterday was going pretty well until the other little boy decided he no longer wanted to play with my boy unless he initiated it. So every time my son got too close to the other boy there was some whining heard. So I tried to be the mediator after it got too annoying (to me) and give my child something else to do (i.e. help me with my task). The little girl was actually playing well with my son and asked if she could help as well. Peace established...for 2 minutes until the other little boy wants to do what the others are but mostly wanting what my son has and then ensued a big fight/tantrum (that got my child timeout for not sharing and taking turns, and me wishing the other mother would help with this problem because I can't put her son in timeout for hitting or not sharing back and I don't want to go "tattle.")
Finally the other mother asked why my son was upset and I tried to explain why he was crying and in timeout and so she did get involved. After things settled down I tried to be ahead of another issue by putting my son on another task...outside, which as soon as I did the little girl was willing to go help him and then they got to playing. Peace established again! Eventually the other boy did go outside to join the others and either I couldn't hear whining or my son stopped irritating the other little boy.
This was a rambling story but my whole issue of the day is when I'm telling my child to just come tell me so that I can help with the situation and in my head I am wondering, "I am teaching him to tattle?" Or when I am trying to mediate with my child but the child who has the problem puts himself right back into the picture. I feel bad putting my child in timeout when the problem he was causing is solved and now the problem is not really being caused by him. I know the principles of sharing and taking turns apply to all situations which is why timeout was issued but I feel bad punishing my child when he was trying to just do the task I gave him. (I sometimes feel I am the meanest mother)
Oh the joys of being a parent, not only are we trying to teach right from wrong but we are also getting a crash course ourselves...or at least a different perspective of the rights and wrongs!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Pertussis
This is an amazing story. I first came across the mother when dealing with some photography questions that she helped with. I find their story touching and something that we ALL should be aware of.
http://natalienortonblog.com/2011/05/08/richie-and-i-on-ksl/
So please share this link, video, story anyway you can so that we can put to purpose Gavin's (short) life's mission.
http://natalienortonblog.com/2011/05/08/richie-and-i-on-ksl/
So please share this link, video, story anyway you can so that we can put to purpose Gavin's (short) life's mission.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
3 Weeks
A lot can happen in three weeks and a lot can only be started in 3 weeks. When you are looking at a 40 week project (and in my case 41 typically) what is a mere 3 weeks? But I think they are going to be some of the hardest three weeks. The reason being...that is how long I have to wait to find out the gender of my baby. For some reason I am more obsessed with what the gender will be with this baby.
Maybe it is because this is the start to the garage sales and I would like to know what areas in my child's wardrobe need to be filled. Or maybe it is the excitement of the idea I get to do some shopping! Who knows this baby might be a shopper (aka girl), I do have the shopper bug lately!
Maybe it is because this is the start to the garage sales and I would like to know what areas in my child's wardrobe need to be filled. Or maybe it is the excitement of the idea I get to do some shopping! Who knows this baby might be a shopper (aka girl), I do have the shopper bug lately!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A third!?!
So this is a blog of emotion...written back when I first found out I was pregnant with baby number three.
When the test said 'positive' I went through a whirlwind of emotion within 24 hours. There was initial excitement, followed by shock and disbelief, then the thought of one more kid running around worried me...could I handle another? I have heard that three is the hardest.
Going from one to two was not a problem, or better put, not a major transition. I still felt like I could manage the things that I needed to and felt balanced without feeling crazy. Yes, there were/are hard days but I still feel like I was on top of most things.
Eventually I found myself back to level emotion, not swaying to far on the emotion scale and balancing in the middle where everything is right there but nothing blown out of proportion.
Since that moment, thoughts and the wonderments continue to flow, especially at the times I seem to be trying to fall asleep at night! Can I handle three? What will get neglected; the house, the laundry, the workout regimin...something has to give...doesn't it? Will it be another highly active child or one a little more mellow? A boy? A girl? Who knows.
I know that nothing can prepare me for the third more then having the third here. The months of gestation will help. Advice and helpful tips will also play a role.
I am excited because I knew with my second that it was not the last baby to join our family, that impression came the first night in the hospital only hours after delivering baby number two. I know that I am in for challenging moments and a large learning curve. But how lucky our family will be to have another member, and how lucky I am to be a mother to another special spirit. I will continue to find the greatest work I can do in my home will begin and end with me on my knees!
When the test said 'positive' I went through a whirlwind of emotion within 24 hours. There was initial excitement, followed by shock and disbelief, then the thought of one more kid running around worried me...could I handle another? I have heard that three is the hardest.
Going from one to two was not a problem, or better put, not a major transition. I still felt like I could manage the things that I needed to and felt balanced without feeling crazy. Yes, there were/are hard days but I still feel like I was on top of most things.
Eventually I found myself back to level emotion, not swaying to far on the emotion scale and balancing in the middle where everything is right there but nothing blown out of proportion.
Since that moment, thoughts and the wonderments continue to flow, especially at the times I seem to be trying to fall asleep at night! Can I handle three? What will get neglected; the house, the laundry, the workout regimin...something has to give...doesn't it? Will it be another highly active child or one a little more mellow? A boy? A girl? Who knows.
I know that nothing can prepare me for the third more then having the third here. The months of gestation will help. Advice and helpful tips will also play a role.
I am excited because I knew with my second that it was not the last baby to join our family, that impression came the first night in the hospital only hours after delivering baby number two. I know that I am in for challenging moments and a large learning curve. But how lucky our family will be to have another member, and how lucky I am to be a mother to another special spirit. I will continue to find the greatest work I can do in my home will begin and end with me on my knees!
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